He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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