If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
