I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
