i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
