I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the day after is always just damage control
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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