Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
