He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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