took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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