I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
