I will die if light touches me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize