Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
