Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
