There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
