My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
