When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
