nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
