I can text with my tongue
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
