I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was confusing and full of hummus
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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