If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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