oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
