u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
