I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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