plz talk dirty to me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
