I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Of course I have a pirate flag
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
