Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize