Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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