I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Drake has all the answers
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
