captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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