my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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