Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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