I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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