i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
