my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
