I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
