how can u be prego again
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
