So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
