fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
