i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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