Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
