Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
be right there i have to get my cape
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize