So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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