Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
