This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
