She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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