Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
