So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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