Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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