We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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