If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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