Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
