We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
