go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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