What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
