So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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