I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
