So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
