I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
