I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my shit smells like andre
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
