At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
