She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize