i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
