There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
