sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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