u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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