Define "chronic" masturbator.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dicks are not precious.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
