I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
