Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
