Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
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