when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
