She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize