Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
