He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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