no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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