you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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