I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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