haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
