I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
