Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
You kept saying ākekeā over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case youāre wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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