hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize