i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
