Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize