Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
