It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
