how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize