dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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