i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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