good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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