UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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