Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize