can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
