I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
