wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
