Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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