Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
