shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
