wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
