sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
