Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
