So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize