Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
