hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
