I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
