i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize