giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
