after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
