The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
