Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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