Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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