I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
