I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
